Trust

Trust, that’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Babies are born with absolute trust that their needs will be met. So at what age do we learn not to trust? No doubt it varies depending on life experiences, but at some point along the way we all learn the hard lesson that trust can be misplaced.

People betray our trust in them it’s a simple fact of life that it will happen to us all at least once. Sometimes it’s an extremely painful lesson. So what do we do? Trust nobody so that we don’t get hurt again? That’s an option. It used to be my only option for many years. However I eventually learned that not trusting anybody means not letting anybody close to you, sure you don’t get hurt but you also don’t get to feel strong emotions and that means you miss out on joy.

So the choice is a life without pain, but also a kind of vanilla life in a world packed full of flavours. No pain, but no intensity of emotion, no close friendships, no rollercoaster ride that comes with letting people close to you. Everyone is different. But for me, I found that letting people – some people, okay a very few people – close to me has enriched my life in ways I didn’t expect. (I should clarify here that letting people close, to me at any rate, means trusting them.) Mainly because I had no experience in letting people close so had no way of knowing what to expect. Most of the time I feel like the world has become drenched with colours instead of being sepia toned. I like it, I feel alive and it’s a good feeling.

Of course when I am in that hole that I still sometimes fall into, the colours are darker and more dangerous, but then when I get myself out, I am in the bright shining light and it’s far more preferable to me.

So I have found the people I have let close to me to be trustworthy, am I going to say to you all go on, trust in your instincts, it’ll be great! Well no, this is life, not a sitcom. I have made a few mistakes, I have trusted people I should not have trusted. Most recently it was a woman I mistakenly believed was a friend. I found out that she was not, she was in fact simply using my friendship in a deceitful and underhand way. That burned, but it only burned my pride. I felt a bit silly afterwards, and angry for a while. But I had no real emotional connection so it was pretty easy to chalk it up to experience and walk away with a lesson learned.

For me, giving trust is difficult, I found that the lessons learned by trust betrayed are ones learned deeply. I spent – as I said – most of my life keeping everyone in my life at arms length. When I finally learned to break down the wall I had built around myself, and let people in, it was really very scary. It still is, sometimes.

Hello Again

A thousand apologies to anyone who has been checking in to see what I’m up to. It’s been all go for me, go and gone really. And I’ve been sick, which is the main reason why I haven’t written before now. When I’m sick all the words in my head throw themselves to the side of my skull and hide there. I guess my words are my strength and when I am sick I am weak and so my words disappear.

I know, I know, it's been AGES since the last post. It really has been ages, I know. So much for my promise to write more frequently here. A lot of things have happened, some to do with my plans, others unconnected and unexpected.

Happy Valentine

My story is similar to yours. I fall in love, and often too hard. But not all relationship is an easy street. If you are lucky, you will have a hand to hold along the way, but in some path you will need to take it alone. It's about taking all the lesson in every failed one. It's about loving yourself above anyone else so in turn you'll be able to give love, the right kind of love. Happy Valentine.

Silence

Sometimes when I look at you, and you’re looking back at me, I can see something. This hint of something more, something you’re feeling but can’t say. When our eyes meet, it’s like we’re instantly connected. And I know no one catches it but me and you, but I like it that way. It’s like our own little secret, a place we go to when everything around us is crazy and we just need some semblance of normal. God, your eyes are gorgeous. There are times when I want nothing more than to look you in the eyes…

‘cause it’s when we’re looking at each other in silence that we end up saying the most.

Gal Pals VS Boyfriend

I recently had a conversation with a friend and she told me that it’s difficult for her to organize time to catch up with her girl friends. Because her friends all have boyfriends and spend most of their spare time with them. Ewwwwww. I get it. Why do girls in relationships always forget about their friends?

If you’re in a relationship and are spending all your time with your boyfriend, I’ll forgive you for your behavior during the honeymoon period. Let’s say the first three months. But anything extending after that, you must remember that you have friends. You also must make a conceded effort to spend time with them. And the time spent with them must be without your boyfriend. Enough said? Or do I need to paint a better picture?

Many girls fail to balance between friends and boyfriends, and this is why things turn bitter. But this is not the case with everyone. Even friends need to understand that every relationship needs time and two people have to spend more time together to know each other well. At this time, best friends may be taken for granted. But this is just an initial phase which may pass with time.

Some girls tend to forget their individuality. They tend to make the guy their world and drift away from the rest. For your close friend, this definitely comes as a sudden shock, as your time and attention have suddenly shifted to another person.

Friendship is a two-way street, both people have to make an effort. So make sure that you show your friends that you value them. Spend time with them. I know I sure as hell miss my friends when they drop off the radar because they’re all loved up. I get it. I understand why. I just want you to remember that I’m here. “Heyyy! (Waves hand to say hello).”

Why you shouldn’t ignore your friend?

1. Just unhealthy. It is completely unhealthy to spend all your time with one person, period. You will become a recluse, isolated, therefore stunting your emotional growth.

2. Miss lonely. If you break up with him, you will have nobody. Your gal pals might eventually just give up on you.

3. Cracks persist. Due to your negligence in the past, your friend might become a bit more distant.

4. Nothing beats them. No matter how great your new guy is, nothing can replace the bond you have with your female friends. Your gal pals can understand and support you in a way that most men can’t.

It doesn’t have to hard. It can be as simple as coffee on the weekend, dinner during the week or a girls night out once a month. Your boyfriend isn’t going to disappear. I’m sure he will even relish the opportunity to spend time with his boys.