I remember
that heart ache. And not only because I documented it in such raw,
unedited words, but because I felt it in such a deep and intense way. A runny
nose and mascara-stained cheeks. The kind of heart-ache that makes you feel
like you aren’t sure of who you are or where your life will now go. The
emptiness that tries to convince you that you are no longer whole. The kind of
ache that makes your heart feel heavy and body so weak. Heart ache that makes
you uncomfortable; you can’t eat when you’re hungry and can’t sleep when you’re
tired. That pain that elicits bitterness, anger, regret, and defeat. And it’s
that sneakiness of heartache that makes it linger, the surprise recollection of
your first memory together, and then your last. A sound that reminds you of his
voice. A smell that takes you back to his laugh. That confusion you experience
the morning after it happened when you can’t quite tell if it is real or
not. The emotion that presents itself by trying to undo and un-remember
everything you once had.
Someone
once asked me how to heal a broken heart. And one of the only answers I
have is time.
Give
yourself time to hurt. Time to grieve. To be sad, frustrated, and angry. And
give yourself time to heal, accept, and to grow. Time doesn’t erase anything,
but it can provide you with enough space to be able to breathe again. And
then one day you wake up and your heart has a little bit of sunshine in it. And
day by day people offer you pieces of their hearts to help remake your own. Allow
yourself to be where you are at, to feel what you are feeling, and to
experience everything that means. And during this process, look and listen for
that glimmer of hope. It is there, I promise.
And it is waiting for you to see it. Because one of the most beautiful things
about humans is their capacity to heal, grow, and survive.
Facing
it. That is how you get through.
And
by facing it, I mean without external substances and artificial fillers. I mean
experiencing everything internally and sharing it with your external supports. Admitting
that it hurts and that it is hard and that sometimes you don’t know if you’ll
make it. Admit that you’re scared to feel better again, to move on, to let go. Allow
yourself to be honest with what you are feeling. Ask for help. And surround
yourself with people who will help pull you forward. Let yourself be okay. Although
facing it may occasionally mean confronting the situation or person, it
may also mean acknowledging a situation for what it is and taking the high road
in response to it. By facing something, I think you accept things as they are
and decide how to get through it. And by getting through it, I mean flourish. Because you will flourish. And it will be beautiful.
Changing
because of it.
I
believe that when hearts break, we do not stay the same. I also believe in
embracing that and taking control over the way that you want to become better
because of it. Can you dedicate your healing heart to bettering your life? To
serving your community? To honoring the piece of you that is missing? Can you
use that hurt to foster strength and resiliency? Can you do it for the person
you love and for the person that you are? Can you decide to take the broken
pieces and replace them with better versions of yourself? If
there is one thing I am sure of, it is that you can do it if you try. You
can do it. You can do it.
Here’s to heart breaks and to hearts
being put back together.
….because when you put it back
together, it will never be the same.
